The roles of a listener
As a listener and active participant, we can encourage the flow of communication by welcoming the speaker, letting them know that we understand their message, and acknowledging their feelings and concerns.
To do that we’ll need to use listening feedback which can be verbal and non-verbal. We also need to empathise with the speaker. To empathise is to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes so we can acknowledge their positions, feelings and concerns.
Listening feedback
Bill, Debbie and Chuck are in a meeting. Let’s look at their verbal, and non-verbal feedback.
Bill: I’ve been looking through the local college brochure. I found a couple of evening courses I’d like to do.
Chuck: Really?
Bill: They have a bookkeeping course on Monday, and a computing course on Wednesday. These two will be very handy.
Bill: I can then help both of you more with the paperwork.
Chuck: I see. so you’re interested in bookkeeping and computing.
Bill: Yes. What do you think? As long as it doesn’t affect you two if I have to leave a little bit early to go to classes.
Chuck: Hmm, and you said evening. What time does it start exactly?
Bill: 6-9. They go on for 6 months. Pretty intense huh?
Chuck: Yes. Let’s see if I get this right. You’ll have to leave early on Monday to go to a bookkeeping class and Wednesday to a computing class.
Bill: That’s right.
Chuck: That’s okay with me, what about you Debbie?
Verbal feedback
When listening to Bill, Chuck uses different types of verbal feedback to encourage the communication flow, and help him check his understanding.
Bill: I’ve been looking through the local college brochure. I found a couple of evening courses I’d like to do.
Chuck: Really?
Chuck uses an acknowledgement remark to let Bill know that he has Chuck’s attention.
Bill: They have a bookkeeping course on Monday, and a computing course on Wednesday. These two will be very handy.
Bill: I can then help both of you more with the paperwork.
Chuck: I see. So you’re interested in bookkeeping and computing.
Chuck repeats the essential part of the message. It gives him time to think and gives Bill a chance to check that the message is correctly heard.
Bill: Yes. What do you think? As long as it doesn’t affect you two if I have to leave a little bit early to go to classes.
Chuck: Hmm, and you said evening. What time does it start exactly?
Bill: 6-9. They go on for 6 months. Pretty intense huh?
Chuck checks his understanding by asking Bill to clarify the time of the classes.
Chuck: Yes. Let’s see if I get this right. You’ll have to leave early on Monday to go to a bookkeeping class and Wednesday to a computing class.
Bill: That’s right.
Chuck summarises the most important point, and confirms it with Bill.
Nonverbal feedback
Now let’s look at non-verbal feedback. Consciously or not, both Debbie and Chuck are sending out very different non-verbal feedback. Whose feedback do you think encourages Bill to keep communicating?
Empathy
We learn about mental and physical listening barriers. The most difficult barriers to overcome are mental barriers. We tend to hear what we want to hear, and play deaf when it comes to something we don’t like.
Empathy can help us to avoid selective hearing. To empathise with someone is to see the situation from their point of view. It requires good listening skills, which include an effective use of verbal and non-verbal listening feedback. Remember, we can empathise with someone even if we do not agree with them.
Active listening
Can you recall the conversation between Henry and Paul this morning? It could have had a much better outcome if they had actively listened to each other. We now know that active listening involves using listening feedback and empathy.
What do you think Henry and Paul can do to improve their listening skills?
Paul: Hey Henry, we need your help at the front desk. Jake, Peter, Michael, they're all sick. I can't believe it.
Henry: I'm tied up here Paul. There's no way I can help you right now.
Paul: Look we don't have anyone else.
Henry: But I have a job to finish here.
Paul: I'm sorry, but this is more important. I'll see you at the front desk in five minutes, okay?
Henry: Okay.
Active listening: nonverbal feedback
No wonder Paul feels Henry is giving him the cold shoulder. What do you think Henry can do to improve his non-verbal feedback?
Active listening: empathy
Now let’s use empathy to see the situation from both Henry’s and Paul’s points of view. What suggestions can you think of when you see both sides of the situation?
Active listening: verbal feedback
Paul: Hey Henry, we need your help at the front desk. Jake, Peter, Michael, they're all sick. I can't believe it.
Henry: Really? That's terrible! I'd like to help you Paul.
Henry acknolwedges Paul’s situation and frustration.
Henry: But I'm tied up here.
Henry: This car has to be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
Henry: I'm in the middle of repairing the engine.
Paul: How long do you think it’ll take?
Henry: Probably a day or so.
Paul asks Henry to clarify his message about the engine repair.
Paul: That's no good. Is there anything anyone else can help you with?
Paul: Sam is in today.
Henry: Yes. He can help me do a few things while I'm at the front desk.
Henry: I can check on him every now and then.
Paul: That sounds like a good idea.
Paul: I'll see you at the front desk in 5 minutes, OK?.
Paul acknowledges and compliments Henry on his suggestion and offer to help.
Henry: Right. I'll go talk to Sam now. Could I have some time to clean myself up?
Henry repeats the essential part of the message, that Sam will be helping him.
Paul: OK, see you in 15 minutes then.
Paul concludes that Henry will be working at the front desk in 15 minutes.
In this topic we have learned that a listener is an active participant in the communication process.
We can encourage the communication flow by sending out both verbal and non-verbal feedback and showing empathy so we can understand the speaker’s feelings and concerns.
